The compulsion

Had I or had I not? I battled with this thought. I checked again and the keys jungled in my pockets but still the thought occupied every space in my mind. The next bus would be here in 5 minutes and the one after that will be in 19 minutes. That is 14 minutes more to wait if I do go back and eventually miss this one.

I checked the keys one more time and they rattled in response. I remember. I did lock the door. I took 7 steps down the stairs, returned back up the flight and checked and it was locked. I am sure I did that. But was that today? I know I planned to do that everyday but I may have forgotten to double check today.  What a negligent person I am.

The bus was due in 3 minutes and I was still not sure. The keys were here so I must have pulled them from the door. . . or did I just take them from the table and shove them in my pocket? The scenario played over in my mind but the details of the last 20 minutes were very murky. I hated this feeling.

Everyday, the assurance of my locked door wanes before my eyes and I am forced to return to the door and check it. Sometimes I do this from two flights down but on the worst day, I turned back after a 10-minute walk. Today, the pestering compulsion is worse than ever.

The bus will be here in one minute. Cautiously I crossed the road and hurried back in. Twelve, thirteen, twelve, twelve. The steps.

Out of breath I checked and it was locked. I double checked to assure myself that this was not my mind playing tricks of me. I walked back down the steps. Forty-Nine. Forgot to the bus station and waited for the next bus. 10 minutes later I was an the bus and then the thought hit me.

Did I turn off the oven?

I knew this was going to be a hard day.

 

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One comment

  1. hiddenselfmeme · August 12, 2015

    I completely understand days like those…

    Like

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