. . . of you by my. . .

Forgive me
My understanding of you is a projection of me
Through my heart, I look upon you
I glance through the windows of my soul
The filter of my intentions, cloud my vision
It rest between us and keep me from seeing you
It keeps me from seeing your heart
Like a fog, it clouds my vision of you
Obscuring my view of your heart

My misunderstanding of you is a projection of myself
My heart weaves its longing into a cloak
Casting it upon my head
My intentions; my deepest intentions are cast over me
A vail; it covers my eyes
That I may see this world; that I may see you
Only through its distortion of my sight
Only through its patterns and colors
Only through it can my sight flow

Look deep in this heart
Look deeper
There! Cast beyond the reach of memory and question
There lies its intentions
They are woven deep within the tapestry of the walls
And the windows are dyed by its essence
Look out at this world from the comfort of me
Perfection shall be only though my view
Through heart dyed windows

I have cracked this window
I have fractured the divide between us
Now, my vision is distorted
This broken walls and window stands between us
Its cracks run long before me
They skew my vision some more
My actions have fractured my image of you
They have my soul, cast low
How the sight of yesteryears now seem like a dream

I pray to see you once again
Like the eyes my memory tells me you once were
The one without any filter
No cracks, vails, masks, distortion or blur
I dream of those eyes
I dream of them
That I may, like in the days of my memory, see you again
That I may see you with a vision so pure
A vision not of my heart, but of yours

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Into his bowl

I watched as tears streaked down his face
Slowly they ran the tracks; parallel
The left won…
He collected them in a glass bowl
And in it he stared
His gaze burned through the clear fluid that gradually filed the bowl
They; the tears, beckoned on their compatriots
For they never seemed to stop streaming down his eyes
There were no sobs
No wails, no cries, no sound
That was the sound of a heart; crushed
The eerie silence of his tears sucked the colour out of the room
…his bowl was getting full

Somebody, plug this spring
Somebody, plus this broken heart or we would all drown
These tears will take us all away
It would engulf all our hearts and leave us gasping
This broken heart will suck us all in
Somebody, please plug this heart, least we get lost in its chasm
The room had turned grey
The sounds around had faded off; all now a muffle
Desperately, my eyes searched his soul
It quested for either the gaping hole from where the tears rolled out
Or the headstone by the chasm where such sorrow emanates from
My eyes searched far and through
…his bowl was almost full

The heart is worst where it is lonely in company
The heart is most broken when sad in the the midst of celebration
The heart is most desperate when it is dead in the abode of life
The heart knows the worst pain, when it denied its love
The heart is most sick, when its hope is deferred
His bow was full and so he reached for another one

Someone please plug this heart
Least we all drown

 

I set my toes on fire

I set fire to my toes and it hurts like hell
Who would have know that such irrationality lived within me
I was convinced that I was invincible
My flesh was made of gold
My bones were the hardest of substances
And my threshold for pain was infinite
I was assured by my heart that I was invincible

Now I wince in agony
I wince for my shame has stolen my voice
I can not dare to alert those about me
I will be cast into the deepest pits of disgrace if I do
I will be torn from my pedestal and tossed in the dirt
I will be supper for a monster called ridicule
I dare not scream from this pain that engulfs me

My toes are in flame, and I am the cause
Now I live in the pain I had welcomed
These flames eat at my flesh, but they make my wings look bigger
These flames make my wings look bigger
How I wish they could lift me from here
That I may fly off in a blaze of glory
But these wings are small, and I am stuck in this agony

I set my toes on fire, and they hurt like hell
I have been engulfed by irrationality
And in a rashness of mind, I have been careless in my actions
Now I dwell in these flames, with fear and shame as my anchor
This light you see is not my glow
This light you see is my demise
I set my toes on fire, and now my heart is flooded with regret

 

Empty hill

There was once a lamp on a hill
Bright and shinny
It glowed and the entire city was awake by its accord
The heart of the many, it warmed
It stood; proud and exalted on the hill
It stood; bright and exalted, on the hill
It stood; safe and cherished, on the hill
It fell; tumbled and tumbled, from the hill
For the wind was strong
It tossed the town into chaos
And filled the spines of many with trembles
And when the light was sought after
When the chaos was done and the people looked on the hill
It was gone
Their cherished light was gone
Though they desired its return, they were despondent
Either that or they had given up hope
And so in darkness they trotted
Hoping not to fall and be crushed
Hoping not to die of the shivers

Why, oh hill, are you empty?
Where is your lamp?
Where has the flame that burns bright gone?
Why are we abandoned to such fate?
Our hearts cry for your return
We fear you may have been stolen, put out or fallen
Fallen to the deepest of the earth
Fallen beyond our reach
Fallen to where our fate is forever doomed
Why, oh hill, are you empty?

This may just be the end

The surface before me is empty
And I see the nothingness of it
Fear suddenly creeps onto my back
It emerges rom my inside and sinks its talons in my flesh
Now my body responds appropriately
Look at these hands.
They have lost their steady
They have lost their composure
I ponder on why the fear resides in me

How long has it been in me
But in an instance I loose the chain of thought
The emptiness before me calls my heart back to fear
Is now my work the distraction of the duty
I set my arms aright and admonish it to be steady
Do not let the pains from me back deter you

The space before me is void and my mind mirrors it
Maybe today is it
Maybe the end has come early
Maybe the elixir is empty and this emptiness is permanent
Leaning closer I stare; squint, focus
There may be something there; inspiration
The emptiness is before me
My paper is void and my pen shakes nervously in my hand
The end might be certain
The strength may have reached its end
And the words have dried up
This may just be the day where silence engulfs me
This may just be the end

The surface before me is filled

In blue

In blue, we danced
In blue you were clothed
In blue was beauty presented
In blue; a lovely blue dress
In blue you were wrapped perfectly
In blue, was the source of my thumping heart
In blue, the reason for my smile was
In blue, was my mind lost
In blue did my heart wonder
In blue was my eyes captivated
In blue, we danced on
In blue, my memory was stuck
In blue it remained; ever embracing the moment
In blue, the moment was perpetually shroud
In blue was the perfection of that day
In blue were your dressed
In blue were you adorned
In blue, did you walk before me
In blue did you dance before me
In blue did you dance with me
In blue, did you capture my heart
In blue, you laughed with me
In blue you were when you filled my heart with light
In blue, you glistered with that lovely smile while your eyes held me
In blue has my picture of you remained
In blue, did this heart find solace
In blue has it remain
In blue, you were covered when I last held you
In blue you were but it has been too long now
In blue my heart has been since you left
In blue it has been trapped
In blue is its abode, and it is cold here

Good company

Your countenance engulfs me
I sit with you, and my sad sad soul is lifted
My heart turns to rejoicing
It turns its back on the cold night
Now the warm sun lights up its face
Your kind words sip through its walls
They blot out the sorrow engraved by time
The weight of living is lifted by them
The truth in your words elate my soul
To hear you speak is refreshing
Like a warm hug to a broken heart
It pulls together the fragments of my mind
It holds them in place and no piece slips away
Look how it melts the fragmented pieces into place
The cracks are gone and it is now whole
Your kindness fixes that which this cruel world has broken
It wipes away the stream that flows from it
And sets a fresh spring in its place
Now there is life growing in it
Flowers and trees, grasses and fauna
Beautiful life born from your heart of love
I love to sit with you
That my storms may be set to rest
And my trouble, kept at bay

I love your company
For it is peace to my heart
 

Singing to the watchman’s son (II)

Stand tall, you son of the watchman
Stand with your head high
Stand in the city
Stand before the council
Stand tall in the presence of the mighty and the lowly
Stand with pride
Stand with courage and strength
Stand with your head held high
You wary today, for you are shroud in shame
You weep, for you cover yourself in disgrace
You are distraught because your bath yourself in ridicule
You throw dirt on your head, because you look down on your father

Not all that glitters is gold
And not all that shines is precious
Not all glory lies in the bright and scenic
No! Not all beauty lies in the soft and delicate
The grit of the earth holds its own
It hides its treasure and protects its beauty
Yes! The rough and coarse posses the most intricate of all textures
Let your heart be lifted
Let it know that not all glory resides in the throne of the king

Look high upon the man that stands above the city
Fervently watching over all
My eyes rest on him at every sunrise and sunset
And my heart blesses him all day
Do not despise your father, you son of the watchman
Do not despise him, for he is not cloth in beautiful robes
Do not despise him because his head bears no gold
Do not despise him, and in so despise yourself
His very post is vital to our city
And his diligence is without reproach
The city looks up on the wall
And a mighty man they see

Do not hold contempt in you, oh son of the watchman
For only in your heart does it reside
Set it aside, that it may be estranged from the city
Rather, let pride fill your heart
Stand tall in the city, for you are the son of the watchman
Lowly in his demeanour, protector of all

The king, the city and its inhabitants, praise the watchman
Blessed be the city
For a man as such; your father, watches over it

Singing to the watchman’s son (I)

In sitting with him, much weight was seeing in his eyes
His shoulders fell from the burdens that leaned on them
Like boulders, they forced him into a hunch
And his eyes responded appropriately
For they flooded the streets, and ran till the oceans

Everyday he stands till his legs are famished
He is despondent and unappreciated
Never would he meet the king he serves
Never would this land appreciate him
And for his service, we live in pity
As recompense for his courage, we struggle in lack
That a meal in this day is a blessing
And a drink is a miracle
These days are hard on him but he persists
He persists in the unforgiving weather
And I sorrow to see him as such

His heart was heavy
And the flood continued to flow
The plight of his father, ate his soul
The weight of it was crushing
This weight of shame was overbearing
Strengthened by the poverty that now engulfed him
The weight pounded upon his back

How can a man serve so much and have so little
He stands on this fence, looking for the evil that may lurk beyond
Whilst there is evil lurking within
We are the least of families
He should not be illusioned by the euphoria from that high
Do not be illusioned by the view from up there, father
We are the lowly of lowly
And the city knows this

His dejection weighed my soul down
For he knew not what the people thought
He knew not what the king thought
And his sorrow has blinded him
Blinded him from the saviour that stands on these walls

Do not be wary my friend
Do not let this sadness obscure your heart
For the truth lies both in and out of your words
The man on the wall is no ordinary man
He guards the city and its inhabitants
Though his back is turned to us
Our hearts have and always look to him
His diligence blesses us all
And we are all at the mercies of his ferventness
Do not be downcast my friend
For your father is our saviour and protector

A close or hiatus?

Has the play ended or is this just an interlude
There he sat; trying to comprehend when he was
The lights were dim and the room empty
Thousands of empty chair all around him
With them, he stared straight ahead
Body heaving with each breath
He was somewhat relaxed but still apprehensive
The silence was peaceful and threatening
His ears searched for a sound in the furthest part of the room
The thousands of empty seats stared ahead; in silence

His breath filled the air before him
Flickers of the previous dances streamed though his mind
Debris of the days that he lived
His heart wondered weather to dread them or welcome them
In one room; one chamber of his mind, they were pleasant
The gentle strides across the room
The music, the lights, the beauty
In the other chamber, the dread engulfed him
The desolation in which he sat was its elucidation
Lonely, lonely, rejected, lonely?

Could this be the end of the ball?
Could the night be at its end?
Or is this another interlude
His mind wondered, his mind battled
His warm breath filled the air around him
And his eyes stared blankly ahead