This dark company

But loneliness restrains me
And shame bounds me
Fear camps around me
And on my back, it cracks its whip of despair
That I may be filled with sorrow before sunrise
And by sunset, be drowned in tears
This is its bidding; this is its desire
This is my punishment; this is the path of my penitence

For my heart is wrought in evil
And the cruelest of thoughts is at home in me
They have found comfort inside me; comfort and tea
Have I not feasted with them?
Enjoying the company of evil and bathing my soul in their gifts
For in the days of calm, I held their secrets close to me
And in my strength, did I place my confidence
Saying, “in tomorrow, I will set them free
In the morning, I will throw them to the streets
I am the chieftain of this land; the master of this house
And they, my bidding, will do
For my heart is set on its goal
And none shall deter it from its desire”
And so their company was dearly shared
And contempt became the [Trojan] horse that carried them in
Now, a tyranny that engulfs is my land

Have I not rightfully given up?
Have I not succumbed, in right doing, to fear?
Is retreating from the struggle not wise?
Or should I, in futile persistence, exert myself till spent?
In ‘neverance’, accepting my fate?
Or should I make peace with fate?
The one which I have willing invited
And in so doing, [attempt to] enjoy its dark company


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